At least make sure they are 18
Why
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
bring money and cleavage
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize