I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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