I'm so fucking centered right now
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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