Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
