Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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