I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I stole a fireplace last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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