During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
two words: eviction party
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
