coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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