I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
