M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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