when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
