guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
