I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
