So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
