As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
