He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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