We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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