I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
