WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
