last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
