This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize