Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
