I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
