you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize