Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
