I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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