I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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