I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize