He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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