Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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