So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's never too late to be topless.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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