guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
