I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What a dumb baby whore.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
