We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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