I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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