My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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