i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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