just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
