I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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