I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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