i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
