textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
