Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
