i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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