I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
