I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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