Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
