At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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