youre lurking in front of me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
