My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
