I didn't shave. On purpose
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize