The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
