Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
