I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
