i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize