mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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