Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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