jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
