yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
