dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
