That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
