I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
