The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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