No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
