I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
