The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
