Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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