Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
When are your genitals available?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
