how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
